Adoption, Books, Desert Living, Encouragement, Family, Health, Lyme Disease, Memoir

Blessings

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I sit here at my computer gazing out at the sunshine dancing off the evergreen trees in my backyard.  I’m grateful for the sunshine.  Life has been full of many blessings over the last month since I have written here. 

My intentions to write have been good, but actions haven’t followed through.

I feel like I have a lot to share with you. Yesterday afternoon I had planned to write my next blog, but life took a turn.  Stevan was involved in a car accident.  I got the call from Brad at 2 pm while having lunch with a dear friend.  I had just told her in our conversation over lunch, that life has been going so well, my brain is telling me, “When will the next shoe drop?”

As I listened to Brad on the phone, he gave me brief details, and I hurried up and headed for the hospital.  I’m not going to get into the weeds of the accident here, but I learned more about myself through this experience.

Stevan’s angels were protecting him, he walked away from the crash, with a mild concussion and a few cuts.  I know he will be extremely sore for a few days.  My immediate fear yesterday was if this accident would trigger his trauma that he has suffered from his time in Jamaica.  The answer is YES it did, but though my fears were accurate, last night once he arrived home, I saw a transformation in him, and my heart smiled.  Evidence of his growth and healing!

As I sat in the ER room yesterday while he was down for a CT scan, I thought of my plans to write my blog and tell you all the good and exciting things that have been going on in my life, but here I sat in the ER.  Thoughts of “why God” passed through and in the past those thoughts wouldn’t have passed they would have lingered and spiraled and sent me crashing. But this time they PASSED THROUGH” Evidence of my growth and healing!

 I can testify today about all the blessings in my life:

Stevan’s accident though scary, frustrating, and painful physically and emotionally – HE IS GOOD

Kaden graduated from college at IWU on April 27! I am proud of his determination and courage. Those who have followed my blog know of his battle with Lyme Disease.  He is 85% better, and we are continuing to seek ways to help him reach 100% – HE IS GOOD

Bryson is doing well in Arizona. He got to travel with his ADH family to New Mexico for vacation last week.  We are finally working with vocational rehab about a job, but the process is as slow as a snail. Life isn’t perfect for him but – HE IS GOOD

Tyrell and Kaden both got engaged in the past 5 months, super excited to welcome their ladies into our family, one wedding in September of this year and the other next May – WEDDINGS ARE GOOD

Last week we received all the money back that we paid from May – September 2023 to the Arizona Government during the time that they had denied Bryson’s services for his ADH home.  We didn’t receive any apology or admittance of wrongdoing, but seeing that money in my checking account – GOD IS GOOD

On Monday, Bryson’s legal guardianship transfer to Arizona was complete – GOD IS GOOD

Finally… my book!

I received my book back from my editor a week and a half ago.  I have been diligently working on all the edits.  There were many edits, but her kind words “Excellent work on this!” helped me navigate through each one.  My editor did an amazing job of helping me see where I needed to clarify more and dig deeper into my emotions to help convey my story to the reader.  Monday, I spent 11 ½ hours at the computer and I am almost done with the edits.  Next step is to submit my manuscript to a copy editor. – GOD IS GOOD

Writing this book has been therapeutic for me.  As I have journeyed through the past 26 years, I have seen the evidence of my GROWTH AND HEALING! I’m excited to share it with all of you but I’m anxious and scared too. I’ve opened myself up to share ALL of me with you.  In doing this, my hope that someone will read it and be able to find GROWTH AND HEALING for themselves.

In the next few weeks, I will have a better idea when the book will be published.  I’ll let you know.

I AM SO BLESSED! GOD IS GOOD! 

Encouragement, Family, Marriage

30 Years

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This week Brad and I celebrated our 30th anniversary!  The evening was spent sitting on the couch watching Cubs baseball.  The comfort of the couch felt good compared to the cold, windy spring Indiana weather.

 We have been privileged to have traveled this winter and chalked up those travels as our celebration. 

30 years of marriage makes me feel old… so does my aches and pains!

30 years of marriage makes me feel grateful….  My mom and dad only got to celebrate 28 years before he passed.

30 years of marriage makes me feel humbled… God has blessed us with family, opportunities, and incredible adventures.

30 years of marriage makes me feel loved….  Receiving a text message from Brad “30 years later she proves again I made a good choice!!! I love you.”

30 years of marriage has been hard work, many sacrifices and compromises.

30 years of marriage has had its share of broken promises and disagreements.

30 years of marriage has had its share of joyful and incredible moments!

In those 30 years, there were many a dark year, many times when we didn’t like each other, but I never doubted our love for each other.

30 years since the ceremony that wasn’t perfect, the pastor forgot a page with part of our vows.

30 years in and we are embracing a new season of life, boys living away from us, finding love of their own.  It’s exciting and hard, as transitions can be.

I’m grateful for Brad and his patience, kindness, forgiveness that he has extended to me many times.

I know that he wanted to get off the roller coaster ride of my emotions and hormones, but instead he buckled in and held on tight.  The steady part of our marriage, ready to pick me up off the floor and hold me tight. 

I’m grateful for God to have given us each other, this marriage of two countries, two personalities, two individuals – tied together in a cord of three, with God the source of hope, the ultimate meaning of love!

Let’s do 30 more!

Books, Encouragement, Family, Memoir, Special Needs

Submitted!

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My fingers are tired, my mind is exhausted, my heart is relieved.

Today I submitted the first draft of In a Stroke of Love to my editor.

All 49,354 words that I have poured over, rewritten, agonized over I released into the electronic air to arrive at the desk of my editor, Abby.  The timeline is for Abby to take one month to review, edit and return to me.

Leo and Gus, my cats, have been my constant companions and distractions through this process!

I am grateful for everyone who has encouraged me on this writing journey.

 I signed my book contract on May 22, 2023.

 I officially started writing this manuscript in October 2023.

 It has not been an easy task.

There were times when I read various chapters and thought to myself “this is good!” Then there were times I read it and thought it is all a waste. 

I believe that God called me to this 15 years ago and the timing is right now to deliver my story.  Truthfully, I am nervous and scared about the vulnerability that I share in these pages.

The completed work, Lord willing, will be out by November or December of this year. 

Now is my time to rest, rest from words and reliving memories! Submitting this manuscript is an incredible feat and I can’t believe I am at this stage. 

My plans for today – ICE CREAM!!

Desert Living, Encouragement, Family, Memoir, Special Needs, Stress and Anxiety, Uncategorized

A Boy and His Dog

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It was early winter of 2016, I had been heading into a deep dive of depression following Steven coming home.  Bryson had been asking for a long time for a dog, and he had an infatuation with Pomskies.  One afternoon, Bryson approached me “mom I found some pomsky puppies for sale.” I of course stopped and looked at the link through Facebook.  They were adorable.  Heading into winter it was not the best time to sell puppies and they were offering them at a discounted price.  Pomskies, at that time, were a high price item.

 I knew I was in trouble….I knew I should not go….  but I needed a diversion I needed something else to think about except the hard that my life was handing me.  I made a phone call, an appointment and soon Bryson and I were on our way.  We traversed into the backroads of  Amish County until we arrived at the Amish farm.

We approached the large white house, knocking on the door to their washroom.  We were greeted by a mom and numerous young kids, as well as five Pomsky puppies.  The puppies greeted us wagging their tails and looking for affection.  Bryson and I engaged with the puppies, petting them, and taking turns holding them.  I knew from that moment, it was over, I would be going home with a puppy!

Brad rolled his eyes at me when I told him when we returned home that we found THE ONE! I went through all the reasons this would work… Bryson would help pay for him….  Bryson had always wanted one, how can we tell him no, we tell him no so often… maybe this dog could be Bryson’s companion and learn how to detect his low blood sugars.  I thought of every probable reason to make it feel like Bryson needed a puppy and that’s exactly what happened a week later.

Bryson and I went to the Amish farmhouse and brought our puppy home, we named him Rizzo after Bryson’s favorite Chicago Cub’s baseball player.  He fast became a loved member of our family. Rizzo became my distraction and filled my time as I battled depression.

Fast forward to 2022 we had decided that Bryson and I were going on an adventure to Arizona to move him there.  We knew that bringing Rizzo along was not an idea that would work, the heat, the RV living and not knowing the dog situation with the family that he would be placed in.

Bryson was sad, it was a difficult time for him.  Rizzo wasn’t happy with our move either.  I had been his primary caregiver and I left him, abandoned him for months on end.  Brad and Ty tolerated him and his bad behaviors.  We spent lots of money with the dog sitter as Brad traveled back and forth.  We talked about finding a new home for Rizzo, Bryson was angry and told us we didn’t have the right to rehome him.  But we knew that we were not giving Rizzo what he needed.

In the summer of 2023 after I had returned home from placing Bryson in his new home, we found an amazing home for Rizzo.  Last week I received pictures of Rizzo.  He is living in Arkansas, he has five other dog companions, 2 cat companions, a gigantic, fenced backyard to play in, also he has a little boy who loves him.  Rizzo is living his best life!

As I was thinking about Rizzo and his situation, the correlation to Bryson came to mind.  It was exceedingly difficult to decide to move Bryson to Arizona and to let him go live with another family.  But this past week, seeing pictures of him on vacation with his new family, birthday, and Special Olympics pictures, I know that Bryson is also living his best life!

Even when the road ahead seems hard and doesn’t seem right…. stepping out in faith and moving on can bring the best that’s yet to come!

Books, Encouragement, Family, Memoir, Special Needs

Thank You!

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Happy Friday afternoon, I am so grateful right now that as I sit here writing this post, the sun is shining in my office window. Seeing the sun in northern Indiana in the winter months is rare.

Thank you to all who subscribed to my website. In doing this, you will get my latest blog posts and updates on my book directly to your email. The contract that I received from Hope*Books includes way more than just the opportunity to publish my book, but additional resources to help with publicity and marketing. I am grateful they provide these resources because those parts are quite foreign to me.

Now for the news of the day, who are the winners of a signed copy of my book In a Stroke of Love when it is released. I used ChatGPT to randomly draw 2 names.

DRUMROLL…… Winners are Rhonda Yutzy and Daniel Pierce. Congratulations!

I welcome anyone who is reading this who hasn’t subscribed yet, to tap on the button on the upper right-hand corner and subscribe. I will be using this subscriber list for future drawings and eventually putting together a launch team.

I was able to spend Wednesday writing for most of the day, and I feel much better about my process. My personality wants to have it done right the first time. I have come to realize that I have never written a book before, and the job of the editor is to help me get it right. My job is to write down the stories involving Bryson and me, as well as all the amazing things that God has taught me on this journey and leave the rest to my publisher.

Thanks again for all of your encouragement and prayers.

Desert Living, Encouragement, Special Needs, Uncategorized

Happy New Year

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2024 is here! I continue to be amazed at how fast the years go by. What I have heard is that as we get older the faster time seems to go by.

2023 was full of many changes, opportunities, and great memories! It was also full of letting go, questions and hard moments.

As I look ahead at my 2024 calendar, I see travel adventures, Kaden’s college graduation and wedding planning and the hopes of having a published book by year end. I look forward with hope and excitement, but not denying the fact that there will be hard moments ahead too.

Great memories were made while our family was in the desert the week before Christmas. This mama heart was full as all my boys were together, and adding two precious girlfriends in our adventures was awesome, I no longer was the only female!

Bryson’s daily life still isn’t what he wants and even though he is discouraged, he has no desire to return to Indiana. We finally had our first interview with Vocational Rehab to start the process of helping him find a job. We are also inquiring into several other day programs that hopefully will be a better fit for him.

I have been feeling stuck the last month on writing the manuscript for my book. I know that I shared in a previous post, how writing is hard. I knew the process would be hard, but I didn’t realize it would be as difficult. It’s not about what I’m writing about, I have the memories, I have the stories, it’s the required writing style that paralyzes me. Several days ago, I reviewed my chapters, I have completed approximately 30% of the manuscript. My deadline is in two months, so I must get down to serious business and get the rest of the chapters written.

My blog site was updated with a few new features. I added a new subscriber button on the upper right corner of the site. I know many of you read my posts through Facebook and Instagram. I invite you to subscribe to my blog and you will receive new blog posts directly into your inbox. Also, my subscribers will be the first to hear updates regarding my book. If you had subscribed earlier,  you would need to resubscribe since I am using a new email host site.

As an incentive to sign up for my new subscriber list, I am giving away two signed copies of my book! I will take all the names of subscribers added between today and Thursday, January 4! I will draw names on the 5th and will let you know who will receive a free signed copy when the book is released.

I am grateful for each of you who has followed my adventures in 2023 and have offered support and care. I invite you to continue walking alongside me in 2024. Together we will cling to the HOPE, PEACE and PROMISES that our Heavenly Father has in store for each of us!

Desert Living, Encouragement, Memoir, Special Needs

The Process is Hard

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I captured this picture last spring during the super bloom of wildflowers northeast of Phoenix. At the time I marveled at how this plant found root in the middle of the hardness of the desert floor. 

As I am working through the writing process of my book, I’m discovering that it’s a lonely place and it feels like I’m in the middle of hard.  I’m grateful for Hope*Books, my publishing company, for giving me this chance to fulfill the call God gave me 15 years ago to write a book.

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Adoption, Desert Living, Encouragement, Family

The Mountains Declare

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Yesterday afternoon, Brad and I arrived in the desert. We came to see Bryson, grab some sunshine and Brad to attend a Winnipeg Jets Hockey game against the Arizona Coyotes. Bryson sees his new neurologist next week and so that was my “excuse” that I needed to be here. Melissa, Bryson’s ADH provider could easily have attended the appointment with Bryson. She has done a great job of navigating all of Bryson’s medical needs in the 5 months that Bryson has lived with them, I am very grateful.

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Books, Encouragement, Family, Memoir, Uncategorized

I have a Song for That

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I have a dear friend, who has a gift of encouragement by sharing songs that meet you right where you need it most.  Songs have a way of speaking directly into the soul. 

When I am in a certain mood, lyrics from songs will pop in my head and add an extra boast of fun to a conversation. 

I always have music playing in my car. Many times, I’m not truly listening, it’s white noise.  There are times when I need words to sooth my heart and God delivers the exact song I need to hear.

Songs have a way of taking you back…. Just the other day, I heard a song, and it took me back to my youth group days, I could see the place, the people and I recalled exactly what we were doing as we were jamming to the song.  There are several worship songs that I love but are hard for me to listen to… they take me back to a hard situation in my life and those songs were played often during that time. 

My love for music started with Amy Grant, Michael W Smith, Stevan Curtis Chapman, Carman, Silverwind! This summer, when we were at my SIL house, they had a record of Silverwind… I got giddy and played it… oh the memories that flooded back.

As I started the research process for my book, I read through my writings from the past.  Included in my writings were many quotes, bible verses and song lyrics.  Many of them I want to include in my book because they were helpful to me at that time.  But I discovered that I can’t include song lyrics in my book because of copyright laws.  It makes me sad because music/songs are a huge part of me.

The Bible references music in some form in 1150 verses. God invites us to worship Him in song as a form of communication. He gifts people with words to write songs that bless His people. 

As I write my book and tell you about how God has moved through my life, I want to reflect and remember His grace, His power and trust Him in this process.  As I recall the memories of the good times and the hard times…. I just might have a song for that!

Desert Living, Encouragement, Family, Memoir, Special Needs

DONE

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Yesterday morning, we had a meeting with DDD to finalize all of Bryson’s services.  I signed the papers late in the afternoon.  Eleven months and twenty-one days after we moved to the desert, we got what we came for, approval for Bryson to live in an ADH home. They will backdate his starting day to September 6th!

The big obstacle is over, but not everything is good and done.  Bryson is still waiting to start vocational rehab to start the job-hunting process.  He isn’t happy with the program he is going to every day.  This momma’s intuition thought that this might happen. We have mainstreamed Bryson into the normal world all his life and spending the day with people like him isn’t what he knows, and he has refused to participate in the activities there. Bryson’s stubborn streak has shown up and even though it frustrates me, I am glad that he can find a way to express his feelings.  Bryson has a hard time vocalizing what he is feeling, so yesterday he was able to speak out his frustrations and I was proud of him.  We have other options that we can investigate. The Valley is big, and we will keep exploring to find the place that helps Bryson thrive.

We meet with the nursing service that will coordinate and help with Bryson’s diabetes management.  I still have questions as to how this will work, and frustrations that this must happen.  But as we find in life, compromises must happen sometimes to make it all work. 

Moving on to the next exciting phase in my life, my sample chapter is due to my editor next week for my book.  This process has been invigorating, scary and stretching.  I have worked through all the assignments that the publisher had for me, but to start to write….

This is it… the time is now….the story that God has faithfully walked me through is starting to unfold on paper.  I have received healing in many areas, but I realize as I look back and process not only the events in my life but the emotions, I will discover more healing is needed.  After the meeting on Monday, I sent this text to several friends “I’m realizing that grief and guilt aren’t one and done, such a roller coaster ride of emotions, you want your kids to have the best.”

Thanks again for all your prayers and support!!  One of the chapters in my book is called “It Takes a Village” you ……. yes, I’m talking to you… are one of them!